I bet I can guess what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, Why is Dee Dee — an athlete mentor and life coach who’s all about seeing things through, never giving up and disallowing doubt  — blogging about surrender?

Let me be clear.  I’m not referring to the traditional definition of the word surrender, which is to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.

I’m referring to this definition: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).

The second definition of surrender is all together different from the first.  The second definition has nothing to do with giving up, giving in, being helpless or selling out.  Quite the opposite, in fact.

What the second definition (which is the only context in which I use the word surrender) describes is an unfiltered obedience to the natural order of life’s flow.  Simpler terms?  Allowing Divine will and nature to take its course.

We all have situations and circumstances come up in our lives that leave us faced with choices to make.  Sometimes the choices are easy, sometimes the choices require sacrifice and sometimes the choices present lose-lose scenarios that seem doomed to result in a negative outcome, regardless of our choice.

Sound familiar?

If you can relate to this choice quandary, I invite you to take a look at that for a moment.  What specific scenarios come to mind when you recollect the easy, sacrificial and lose-lose choices you’ve had to make?  Notice how remembering these scenarios makes you feel.  Notice your body language.  Notice any physical or physiological reactions you may be having.

Are you swimming with or against life’s current?

Consider that, if you can look at the distant or recent history of your life and conclude that “life isn’t fair,” or “good things never happen to me,” or “I’m not lucky,” you may be living your life in force — not in power.

There’s a book I refer to when I find myself living in force (yep, I do it all the time).  It’s called Power vs. Force – The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.  I’ll be honest, it’s not the easiest read in the world!  Hawkins is an academic, and reading his book requires focus.  But everyone from Sam Walton (founder of Wal*Mart) to Mother Theresa provided testimonials celebrating Hawkins’ book because he very thoughtfully explains that, when we experience certain emotions such as disappointment, guilt, anger, regret and fear, we are at those times  forcing something.  We are pushing against rather than toward.  We are pulling rather than following the lead of that which is natural and organic to whatever it is we set out to accomplish.

Be not mistaken: force is different from determination.  How you identify this difference is by looking at the pattern of results you have in your life.   Most often, when force is a part of an action, the result falls short of what was originally intended.  However, when power — or determination — is part of an action, any resistance or obstacle present seems to simply go away, making room for the goal to be achieved.  That doesn’t mean hard work  isn’t involved.  It means the commitment to the hard work is never questioned.

What Hawkins calls living a life of power, I call living a life of ease.  What I find particularly interesting is that I often forget about ease — about what works and what doesn’t — and I slip right back into taking forceful action.  When there is a clear opportunity for me to surrender to a natural, ease-filled result, I hold tighter to my idea of how things should go and end up feeling disappointed, angry, anxious and regretful.

So, it’s not enough to know and understand the difference between power and force — and the strength that comes with surrendering — we must also practice becoming very disciplined and comfortable with surrendering.

It’s just like working out at a gym.  When you first start working out, your muscles are weak, fatigue easily and there is often a lot of pain.  But after you’ve been working those same muscles out for awhile, you find that the exercises that once gave you so much trouble are now being effortlessly executed.  Obviously, you got stronger because you practiced getting stronger.

Learning to surrender — and to do so with confidence and absolute trust in the outcome — is no different than working out in a gym.  The more you practice doing it, the more effortless it will become.

So, your challenge for this week is to look at the areas of your life where you are forcing a certain result.  Look also at the clues that have been left for you suggesting there is another approach to take.  Is there someone close to you who offers you advice?  Do you find yourself searching for answers to a problem, but ignoring the first thought that comes to mind?  Are you taking the same actions over and over, getting the same results but expecting different ones?

I’m fairly certain there is at least one area of your life where surrender is in order.

Will you do it?

“Trust yourself.  You know more than you think you do.” ~ Dr. Spock

Happy Stuck Landings,

Dee Dee

The subject of this week’s blog post is courtesy of @Blackyoga — a Twitter friend of mine.  I issued a Twitter-wide request (to all my followers) for inspirational quotes that could be this week’s blog topic.  @Blackyoga rocked it.  And I admit, his quote is right up my alley.  I’ve always had a problem with the concept of trying, wishing and hoping.  Why?  Because those words do not inspire action.

The truth is, trying inspires excuses.  Wishing inspires daydreaming.  Hoping inspires inaction.   If you really think about it, you’ll begin to see how each of those words leave you without a plan — without a process — without a task to execute.

It’s interesting, because I was always raised — and trained as an athlete — to believe that if I “tried” to do my best, the outcome didn’t matter.  And for most of my career, that made a lot of sense to me.  I had very favorable results.  I would try hard and, more times than not, I got the results I wanted.  On the occasions when I didn’t get the results I wanted, I still took comfort in the fact that I’d “tried.”  This seemed to be a great formula for success, and a great formula for dealing with failure (or at least second-best).

But then, something happened.  I realized that every time I said the words, “I tried,” they were always followed by the word, “but…”

But.

It just feels like an excuse is coming, doesn’t it?  Some feeble reasoning to explain why something didn’t get done.  Some rationale to explain away why something didn’t happen.

A specific event caused me to see the “I tried, but…” pattern I’d created.  I was a very successful athlete but, without even knowing it had happened, I’d gotten complacent.

When I was in college and competing for the University of Alabama, I was coasting through each season doing exactly what my coaches asked of me, winning lots of individual accolades and enjoying the benefits of competing on a national championship team in one of the greatest college towns in the country.  Then, I re-injured my ankle (the same one I’d injured two weeks before 1988 Olympic Trials) in the middle of the competitive season during my junior year.  My injury could not have come at a worse time — and the timing was ironic.  It was two weeks before the Regional championship meet and four weeks before the NCAA national championship meet.  I wanted desperately for my team to win both meets.  After having my ankle professionally diagnosed as “severely sprained” (which can be worse than a fracture), I realized I had a choice to make.  I could let my “severe sprain” define me and stay complacent…or not.  There were certain things I could do to rehabilitate my ankle.  But there was even more I could do to keep my mental game injury-free.

It was in that moment that I really understood the difference between “trying” and “doing.”  It was in that moment that I really understood the NIKE slogan: Just Do It.

So, I did the things I knew to do:

1. Pray for strength and guidance, and be grateful for my talent
2. Follow my rehab/recovery instructions to the letter
3. Concentrate on how I could be of service to my team — not to myself (focusing on others is a cure-all for complacency, by the way)
4. Be the first one in and the last one out — every day
5. Stop all the mental chatter and Just Do It

I’d love to tell you that I created some magic system — or invented a new way of overcoming injuries — but that’s not what happened.  I was able to compete two events (the two events on which my team needed me most) at Regionals and all four events at NCAA’s because I CHOSE to.  That’s it.  I chose to deal with my injury (rather than to give in to it) and I chose to be a competitor — not an injured competitor.  I chose not to let my injury define me.  Instead, I chose to let my competitive nature — and my love for gymnastics — define me.  But it all began with a conscious choice.

Whether or not you realize it, you are always choosing something.

It’s extremely important to be aware that you are choosing — every moment of every day of your life.  Don’t sleepwalk through your choices.  Stay awake.  Stay alert.  Stay present.  Otherwise, if you’re not careful, you can find yourself stuck with a choice you didn’t think through.  When this happens, many people have a tendency to blame others or their circumstances.  They have a tendency to find fault with the results of their choices — rather than with the choices themselves.

No one is responsible for your choices but you.  And ALL of life — every bit of it — is a choice.  Be not mistaken: life will always include with it situations and circumstances.  But you – and you alone — choose how you process them.  You choose your attitude; regardless of life’s circumstances.  You choose your next action; regardless of life’s circumstances.  You choose how you are defined, and how the entire world sees you.

So, this week’s challenge is to be aware that hiding behind the notion that you’re “trying” is the same as not taking responsibility for your actions — the fact is, you are always taking action.

How conscious are you of what you choose to do?  What do you choose?  What DON’T you choose?

Wake up.  Be present.  Choose carefully… and powerfully.

Happy Stuck Landings,

Dee Dee

These days, I hear people using words like genius, brilliant and amazing.  I hear these words used a lot.  Far too often, in fact.  And it’s clear the original definitions of these words are losing impact, as people often use them to describe a performance by an actor in the latest blockbuster film, an outfit Paris Hilton wore at a red carpet event or even a skill properly executed by an athlete.  Not to take anything away from hard working actors, Ms. Hilton’s stylist or my fellow athletes, but words like genius, brilliant and amazing really should be reserved for those truly breathtaking moments.  Historic moments.  Life-altering moments.

There is one word I don’t hear very often, though:  remarkable.  In fact, I almost feel uncomfortable just saying it:  remarkable.  This word carries a certain weight — it comes with a responsibility to preserve its integrity.  When I say or write the word remarkable, I find myself driven to excel — moved to stretch myself beyond human limitations.

What do you think about — and feel — when you say the word remarkable?

This week’s blog post quote is my personal tribute to a remarkable athlete and human being.  My dearly departed friend, Derrick “D.T.” Thomas will be posthumously inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame tomorrow (Saturday, August 8), and I couldn’t be more proud of the legacy this University of Alabama and Kansas City Chiefs linebacker has left the world.

“D.T.” lived a remarkable life.  He survived — and thrived — through a challenging childhood without his father who died serving his country as a B-52 bomber Air Force Captain in the Vietnam War.  He broke and set nearly every record imaginable — and won every prestigious award –  while starting for the Alabama Crimson Tide football team, then went on to make history in the NFL with the Kansas City Chiefs by winning Defensive Rookie of the Year, setting the record for most quarterback sacks in a single game (seven sacks in one game…pretty remarkable) and going to the Pro Bowl nine times.  He collected so many awards during his years playing high school, college and pro football, I could devote an entire blog post solely to his achievements.

Remarkable.

And as dedicated as he was to his God-given athletic ability, “D.T.” was equally a steward of humanity.  The second he entered the NFL, he co-founded his charity Third and Long.  He devoted his Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays to those less fortunate than him.  He was a leader in his locker rooms and he understood the importance of preparation and knowing when to let instinct take over.   His contribution to the world was evidenced by the 30,000-plus people who attended both his memorial services in Kansas City and Miami — his hometown.  President Bill Clinton even sent condolences to his family.

Remarkable.

And while those of us who were closest to “D.T.” definitely still mourn the loss of our beloved friend, we also celebrate all the ways he will live forever.  As I witness his induction into the most coveted arena in professional sports, I will be grateful for the fact that he will live forever through his charter school — Derrick Thomas Academy.  I will be grateful that he will live forever through his children and their children.  I will be grateful that he will live forever through his many charitable involvements.  I will be grateful that he will live forever through his still unbroken records.  I will be grateful that he will live forever in my heart and in the hearts of so many others who knew him and loved him.

So for the next week, I’m challenging each of you to explore what you can do to contribute something remarkable to the world.  What remarkable thing can you contribute to your everyday life, requiring you to stretch yourself so far beyond your comfort zone that you would be completely lost if not for the staunch determination you have to focus on whatever is your ultimate prize?  How can you remarkably surprise yourself, the people you see every day and your critics?

Everyone has  remarkable in them.  For some, it’s right there on the surface — blossoming as I write this post.  For others, it’s lying dormant — waiting to be jarred loose, removed from its cage of inhibition and recognized as a force of nature.

Discover what makes you remarkable, and dare to expose it.

The entire world will benefit from your greatness.

Happy Stuck Landings,

Dee Dee

For more information about Derrick Thomas’ legacy, his Derrick Thomas Academy school and his Third and Long charity, visit the following sites:

Derrick Thomas article/images

www.derrickthomasacademy.org

www.thirdandlong.org

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have no restraints in your life?  To be able to kind of glide through all of life’s challenges with fearless confidence?  The quote I’ve used as this week’s blog post is intended to inspire thought about what could be possible if you didn’t know your own limitations.  If it’s true that we are what we think about (and it is true), then I’m inviting you to explore what it is you actually think about. 

Do you think about your fears?

Do you think about what you can’t do?

Do you think about what is not possible?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, then I’d like you to consider that you are committed to living a limited life.  I know that sounds harsh – and maybe it is – but what’s more harsh:  taking responsibility for the results in your life (good and bad), or being blind to what’s stopping you from making every goal a reality?

 Think for a moment about what you focus on every day.  Do you focus on the things that will make your life easier or harder?  Think for a moment about how your thoughts control your actions, and consider what could be different – in all areas of your life – if you approached everything with the thought that you could not fail. 

As an athlete, my coaches often said things like think; go for it and mind-over-matter.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but my coaches weren’t just coaching me in gymnastics – they were coaching me in life.  I’ve been retired for many years, but the words think, go for it and mind-over-matter are tools I use to accomplish every goal I set for myself – no matter how big or small.  I’ve learned that setting goals in life is not enough; what makes a difference is setting goals with no fear or doubt attached to them. 

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?  Thinking of your goals with unshakable confidence (which is different than determination) in your success is what that quote is all about.

There are so many examples of people who set their goals “knowing they cannot fail.”  And sometimes they do fail, but the point is they set their goals without fear or doubt.  Instead, they jump in the deep end – head first – and have a 100% commitment to being unafraid.

Here are some of my favorite fearless goal-setters:

• Michael Jordan
• Doris Hicks (Principal of the first school rebuilt New Orleans’ Lower Ninth Ward after Hurricane Katrina)
• Oprah Winfrey
• Tiger Woods
• Martha Stewart
• Lance Armstrong
• Cal Ripken, Jr.
• Tim Ferriss (author of The 4-Hour Workweek)
• Meg Whitman (former CEO of eBay)

What is the one thing all of these people have in common? 

They don’t fear failure, but they also don’t consider failure an option.  And when they do fail, they are not stopped.  They set new goals and pursue them.  But here’s the really cool thing they do:  When they pursue their new goals, they do it without letting their past failures make them fearful. 

This is a really important thing to understand because there is no point in going for what you want in life if you’re going to let the past determine the future.  The past is the past.  The future is a blank canvas.  You can put whatever you want into your blank canvas.  And you create your canvas by living in the present – in each moment.  Think, go for it and focus your mind so that outside circumstances don’t matter!

Now…go create your canvas!

Happy Stuck Landings,

Dee Dee