I bet I can guess what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Why is Dee Dee — an athlete mentor and life coach who’s all about seeing things through, never giving up and disallowing doubt — blogging about surrender?
Let me be clear. I’m not referring to the traditional definition of the word surrender, which is to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.
I’m referring to this definition:to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).
The second definition of surrender is all together different from the first. The second definition has nothing to do with giving up, giving in, being helpless or selling out. Quite the opposite, in fact.
What the second definition (which is the only context in which I use the word surrender) describes is an unfiltered obedience to the natural order of life’s flow. Simpler terms? Allowing Divine will and nature to take its course.
We all have situations and circumstances come up in our lives that leave us faced with choices to make. Sometimes the choices are easy, sometimes the choices require sacrifice and sometimes the choices present lose-lose scenarios that seem doomed to result in a negative outcome, regardless of our choice.
Sound familiar?
If you can relate to this choice quandary, I invite you to take a look at that for a moment. What specific scenarios come to mind when you recollect the easy, sacrificial and lose-lose choices you’ve had to make? Notice how remembering these scenarios makes you feel. Notice your body language. Notice any physical or physiological reactions you may be having.
Are you swimming with or against life’s current?
Consider that, if you can look at the distant or recent history of your life and conclude that “life isn’t fair,” or “good things never happen to me,” or “I’m not lucky,” you may be living your life in force — not in power.
There’s a book I refer to when I find myself living in force (yep, I do it all the time). It’s called Power vs. Force – The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. I’ll be honest, it’s not the easiest read in the world! Hawkins is an academic, and reading his book requires focus. But everyone from Sam Walton (founder of Wal*Mart) to Mother Theresa provided testimonials celebrating Hawkins’ book because he very thoughtfully explains that, when we experience certain emotions such as disappointment, guilt, anger, regret and fear, we are at those times forcing something. We are pushing against rather than toward. We are pulling rather than following the lead of that which is natural and organic to whatever it is we set out to accomplish.
Be not mistaken: force is different from determination. How you identify this difference is by looking at the pattern of results you have in your life. Most often, when force is a part of an action, the result falls short of what was originally intended. However, when power — or determination — is part of an action, any resistance or obstacle present seems to simply go away, making room for the goal to be achieved. That doesn’t mean hard work isn’t involved. It means the commitment to the hard work is never questioned.
What Hawkins calls living a life of power, I call living a life of ease. What I find particularly interesting is that I often forget about ease — about what works and what doesn’t — and I slip right back into taking forceful action. When there is a clear opportunity for me to surrender to a natural, ease-filled result, I hold tighter to my idea of how things should go and end up feeling disappointed, angry, anxious and regretful.
So, it’s not enough to know and understand the difference between power and force — and the strength that comes with surrendering — we must also practice becoming very disciplined and comfortable with surrendering.
It’s just like working out at a gym. When you first start working out, your muscles are weak, fatigue easily and there is often a lot of pain. But after you’ve been working those same muscles out for awhile, you find that the exercises that once gave you so much trouble are now being effortlessly executed. Obviously, you got stronger because you practiced getting stronger.
Learning to surrender — and to do so with confidence and absolute trust in the outcome — is no different than working out in a gym. The more you practice doing it, the more effortless it will become.
So, your challenge for this week is to look at the areas of your life where you are forcing a certain result. Look also at the clues that have been left for you suggesting there is another approach to take. Is there someone close to you who offers you advice? Do you find yourself searching for answers to a problem, but ignoring the first thought that comes to mind? Are you taking the same actions over and over, getting the same results but expecting different ones?
I’m fairly certain there is at least one area of your life where surrender is in order.
Will you do it?
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~ Dr. Spock
Knowing When to Surrender
I bet I can guess what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Why is Dee Dee — an athlete mentor and life coach who’s all about seeing things through, never giving up and disallowing doubt — blogging about surrender?
Let me be clear. I’m not referring to the traditional definition of the word surrender, which is to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.
I’m referring to this definition: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).
The second definition of surrender is all together different from the first. The second definition has nothing to do with giving up, giving in, being helpless or selling out. Quite the opposite, in fact.
What the second definition (which is the only context in which I use the word surrender) describes is an unfiltered obedience to the natural order of life’s flow. Simpler terms? Allowing Divine will and nature to take its course.
We all have situations and circumstances come up in our lives that leave us faced with choices to make. Sometimes the choices are easy, sometimes the choices require sacrifice and sometimes the choices present lose-lose scenarios that seem doomed to result in a negative outcome, regardless of our choice.
Sound familiar?
If you can relate to this choice quandary, I invite you to take a look at that for a moment. What specific scenarios come to mind when you recollect the easy, sacrificial and lose-lose choices you’ve had to make? Notice how remembering these scenarios makes you feel. Notice your body language. Notice any physical or physiological reactions you may be having.
Are you swimming with or against life’s current?
Consider that, if you can look at the distant or recent history of your life and conclude that “life isn’t fair,” or “good things never happen to me,” or “I’m not lucky,” you may be living your life in force — not in power.
There’s a book I refer to when I find myself living in force (yep, I do it all the time). It’s called Power vs. Force – The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. I’ll be honest, it’s not the easiest read in the world! Hawkins is an academic, and reading his book requires focus. But everyone from Sam Walton (founder of Wal*Mart) to Mother Theresa provided testimonials celebrating Hawkins’ book because he very thoughtfully explains that, when we experience certain emotions such as disappointment, guilt, anger, regret and fear, we are at those times forcing something. We are pushing against rather than toward. We are pulling rather than following the lead of that which is natural and organic to whatever it is we set out to accomplish.
Be not mistaken: force is different from determination. How you identify this difference is by looking at the pattern of results you have in your life. Most often, when force is a part of an action, the result falls short of what was originally intended. However, when power — or determination — is part of an action, any resistance or obstacle present seems to simply go away, making room for the goal to be achieved. That doesn’t mean hard work isn’t involved. It means the commitment to the hard work is never questioned.
What Hawkins calls living a life of power, I call living a life of ease. What I find particularly interesting is that I often forget about ease — about what works and what doesn’t — and I slip right back into taking forceful action. When there is a clear opportunity for me to surrender to a natural, ease-filled result, I hold tighter to my idea of how things should go and end up feeling disappointed, angry, anxious and regretful.
So, it’s not enough to know and understand the difference between power and force — and the strength that comes with surrendering — we must also practice becoming very disciplined and comfortable with surrendering.
It’s just like working out at a gym. When you first start working out, your muscles are weak, fatigue easily and there is often a lot of pain. But after you’ve been working those same muscles out for awhile, you find that the exercises that once gave you so much trouble are now being effortlessly executed. Obviously, you got stronger because you practiced getting stronger.
Learning to surrender — and to do so with confidence and absolute trust in the outcome — is no different than working out in a gym. The more you practice doing it, the more effortless it will become.
So, your challenge for this week is to look at the areas of your life where you are forcing a certain result. Look also at the clues that have been left for you suggesting there is another approach to take. Is there someone close to you who offers you advice? Do you find yourself searching for answers to a problem, but ignoring the first thought that comes to mind? Are you taking the same actions over and over, getting the same results but expecting different ones?
I’m fairly certain there is at least one area of your life where surrender is in order.
Will you do it?
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~ Dr. Spock
Happy Stuck Landings,
Dee Dee